Valentine's Day Etiquette
Feb 14, 2013 10:33PM
● By Anonymous
There are thousands of stories of lost reservations, broken promises, ugly jewelry, and spinach between the teeth. Valentine’s Day seems almost set up for failure.
So follow our handy list of Dos and Don’ts to keep you on the right track this holiday. Because after all, you want there to be more than one Valentine’s Day with that special someone, right?
Do: Buy flowers from a florist or respectable grocery store.
Don’t: Buy flowers from the gas station, or one of those guys selling roses on the median at busy intersections. Those roses have lived a hard life. You don’t know where they’ve been.
Do: Give her some nice lotions, bath salts, and creams.
Don’t: Give her cellulite cream, under eye concealer, or any of the miscellaneous pine-scented body products that your mother gave you for Christmas.
Do: Order the chocolate soufflé to share for your dessert.
Don’t: Order cheesecake. You never know if they’re hiding a lactose intolerance. And it’s such an awful thing to learn through experience.
Do: Cook a nice dinner together. Use candles in the kitchen to romanticize your efforts.
Don’t: Forget to check the temperature of any meat that you cook in a dimly lit kitchen. Salmonella poisoning has ruined many a Valentine’s Day snog fest.
Do: Share a bottle of champagne to make the moment special.
Don’t: Take it upon yourself to drink the entire bottle of champagne when your date says it’s too sweet for their taste. Nothing is less romantic than the sound of dry heaves.
Do: Decide to celebrate the evening in with as little mass consumerism as possible. A home cooked meal, some good conversation and a chance to reconnect with your love is all you need to make the night special.
Don’t: Decide to go on a Valentine’s Day rant about how the mass consumerism has sucked the life out of the holiday in an Oliver Stone-esque conspiracy to demean the value of human interaction. Otherwise, your significant other may decide to renew that match.com subscription.
Do: Try out something new this Valentine’s Day, like a cooking or wine tasting class. Bringing new things into your life together keeps it fresh and fun.
Don’t: Try out any sort of extreme sport, Home Depot class, or information technology seminar. Because it’s always so awkward when someone is forced to call in a bomb threat to the building just to escape a bad date.
Do: Post a loving note on your date’s Facebook wall telling them how special they are.
Don’t: Post a loving note on your ex’s Facebook wall telling them you want to get back together. In fact, just leave Facebook alone for the second half of Valentine’s Day, when you might have a glass of wine or two. Drinking and Facebooking never leads to anything good.
Do: Get your kids involved in Valentine’s Day by creating fun crafts to give their moms and dads.
Don’t: Depend on your kid’s crafting skills to get you out of buying your wife a piece of jewelry. Macaroni looks nice, but it’s so itchy on the skin. Diamonds are much more comfortable.