Beyond the Flask
By Janice F. Booth
In medieval Europe superstition held that evil spirits, jealous of happy brides and grooms, cast spells or otherwise harmed newlyweds. To foil these devious plans friends of the bridal couple placed themselves in the way of the evil spirits, pretending to be the bride and groom. To confuse the demons further a number of young women and young men, all dressed similarly, led the bride and groom in the wedding procession—running interference, so to speak, should evil stalk them. As an expression of gratitude for these courageous acts of friendship the bride and groom often presented the bridal party with gifts.
Today the most courageous thing a bridesmaid might have to do is wear an unbecoming gown (lest her good friend take to acting like Bridezilla). And groomsmen may have to slip into more starched cotton and tailored worsted then they’ve ever worn before—feats nowhere near as dangerous as combating demons, but surely deserving of the newlyweds’ gratitude nonetheless.
In the early part of the twentieth century Emily Post was the acknowledged arbiter of social manners and etiquette. Here’s what she had to say about how to appropriately express appreciation to your wedding attendants:
"Usually her bridesmaids lunch quite informally with her [the bride], or come in for tea, the day before the wedding, and on that day the bride gives them each “her present” which is always something to wear. It may be the muffs they are to carry, or parasols, if they have been chosen instead of bouquets. The typical “bridesmaid’s present” is a bangle, a breast pin, a hatpin, which, according to the means of the bride, may have great or scarcely any intrinsic value."
Concerning the groom’s responsibility Emily Post said:
"The groom’s presents to his ushers [attendants] are always put at their places at the bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift; scarf-pins in localities where they are still fashionable. Silver or gold pencils, belt buckles, key rings in gold, key-chains in silver, cigarette cases, bill-folders, card-cases, or other small and personal articles are suitable. The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly handsomer than the gift to the ushers."
Well, I dare say a modern bride would be hard-pressed to find a fashionable muff or a tasteful hatpin for her attendants. And, while the gifts for men haven’t changed very much, I suspect some young men might not recognize cuff links if they received a pair.
Never fear, here is a selection of interesting and more-or-less useful gifts you can present to your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and parents and even to the flower girl and ring bearer. These gifts symbolize your appreciation of your parents’ and friends’ support on this important occasion and your recognition of the significance of the occasion. While, as Emily Post asserts, “the gifts may have little or no intrinsic value,” each bride’s gift should reflect the bride’s knowledge of her bridesmaids—something they will enjoy or cherish. The groom’s gifts should suggest that he, too, has given some thought to gifts that his attendants will find both useful and memorable. Finally, the gift you give is always a reflection of your tastes, and usually good taste is what you look for when a wedding is the cause for gift giving!
These gift suggestions are divided into three categories: unique, creative, and modestly priced; unique, luxurious, and pricier; and, finally, ecologically responsible, symbolic, or both.
Modestly priced
These may take time to prepare and require some creativity, but they make an impression on (and perhaps even amuse) your attendants.
Theme bags Last year my clever young friend Jennifer had an island-themed wedding. For attendants’ gifts Jennifer and her husband-to-be prepared cute beach bags stuffed with goodies, including flip-flops; suntan lotion; visors; sunglasses; and one special item, such as an elegant fragrance-diffusing lamp—all in their wedding colors. The cool bags easily charmed the socks off of the entire wedding party (good thing they had those flip-flops). Come up with your own bag full of surprises based on your wedding’s theme. Gourmet cooks? Why not some unusual cooking tools and ingredients or even items you cooked or baked for your friends? Are you campers? Give your friends a compass, a hiking guidebook you value, and trail mix or a first aid kit.
T-shirts Are you artistic? Why not devise a wedding logo or design that can be stenciled or silk-screened onto T-shirts for everyone in the wedding party? Local printers and T-shirt shops often provide the printing service, but it could be fun to include printing or stenciling in the prewedding festivities, with everyone helping to silk-screen the T-shirts.
Group gift Bring your friends together again, sometime after the honeymoon. Plan a reunion for the wedding party. Invite everyone to your new apartment or new home for dinner or a picnic. Or buy tickets for a local baseball game or theatrical production. (Remember this is a gift, so try to arrange something extra special, such as a thank you to them on the scoreboard, an announcement at the game or performance, or personalized inserts in their playbills.) Prepare themed invitations that you can present before the wedding, and don’t forget to send reminder notes a week or two before the reunion.
Pottery or glassware In keeping with the celebratory nature of weddings, what about a handmade pottery tankard engraved with each attendant’s name or initials? Or glass dishes etched with the initials of the attendant and the date of the wedding? You might even design your own pottery piece and engage a local potter to make it.
Lavish
Keep your plastic handy! Need I say more?
Pajamas There is actually a company named PajamaGrams.com. It’ll cleverly package pajamas and related items for each of your attendants in your wedding colors. Or you can buy matching pajamas for all your bridesmaids and groomsmen and wrap them up yourself.
Flashy stuff While cufflinks are passé and young women are unlikely to go gaga over brooches, you may want to consider monogrammed bling. Bracelets for both men and women can be engraved. Or select bejeweled cell phone covers (à la the television character Carrie Bradshaw) or compact mirrors for your bridesmaids and flashy lighters and pens for the groomsmen.
Perhaps you could organize a dazzling party at a local bead shop. Meet your bridesmaids to string lovely and exotic stones and beads into earrings and necklaces and string together memories from your shared lives.
Upgrade that group gift Instead of a picnic or baseball game, if you have the means why not plan a formal dinner party three or six months after the wedding, for your bridal party and their guests? Perhaps rent a beach house for a long weekend. (Have you seen American Graffiti?) Reserve a skybox at Camden Yards. Why not take advantage of our beautiful Bay? Charter a yacht for a day’s cruise or a moonlight sail.
“Green”
These are symbolic gifts for your wedding party.
Trees symbolize life and fertility—the Tree of Life, family trees. Give your attendants seedlings or baby trees packaged in suitable wedding finery. Whether they plant their trees in window boxes, their own yards, or their parents’ yards, every time they see that white pine or cedar or dogwood tree they’ll think of you and your wedding day.
Anything you choose from a Fair Trade Federation shop (look for an FTF sticker in the window) will be an ecologically and socially responsible gift. And gifts made from recycled products are both fun and responsible choices. Recycled materials are used to produce nearly everything: clothing, dinnerware, instruments, games, and more.
The gift that may say the most about you and mean the most to your friends sharing your wedding day could be donations on their behalf to Heifer International or UNICEF or any of dozens of reputable charities. You might put a card announcing your donation inside a painted box or beaded change purse.
Whatever you choose to do, remember to enjoy the giving, as you’ve invited them to share in your joy.
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